Sunrise

It has been one year and four months that I have been depriving myself from trusting someone who takes a step higher than being my friend. Yes. After the break up I had with my not-so-long-time boyfriend, I came to a point that I see every man I know the same as what my Ex was. It was unfair, I know. But I need to do it, to heal the wounds, to forget the pain... to be a better me... to find who I really am.

I did not regret that I loved him, because he taught me things I never thought of learning alone. He has been a part of my life now, and no one can take it away. He was, he is, and will be my friend. It was just, we were never really fit for each other. It was just there are these people whom I believe will lead us to the surface of betterment.

After all the pain I had felt, all the sadness I seem to undergo, all the tears I had shed, there remains a hope that one day, eventually, I will meet someone who will love me more than I could ever imagine. But the hardest part in obtaining what I desire is my ability to trust again. Also the part where in you have to put a line between friendship, crush, and love. 

After days and days I spent with friends, my family and myself, I began to forget the things that hurt me and made me cry back then in my relationship. I learned to love myself again, and appreciate things which I have forgotten. I learned to re-appreciate love and life. I eventually yet slowly let the pain become elements of laughter and good memories.

Just as I began enjoying being single again, I bumped to someone who never in my rarest dreams and nightmares will become one of the most important persons in my life right now. He was a bubbly, simple, and anti-social person... which for the record, the perfect opposite of me. After my break up, I stopped looking "girlish" and concentrated on things that kept me busy and I kept on developing my intellectual and managing skills with the things I do. And until now, I do that because I feel I am more of becoming myself rather than becoming what people expect me to be. That's why, I was so astonished when he said to me that he liked me because of that. 

I still don't know where's this going but one thing's for sure, I am happy and grateful that I met this guy who, made my dull days exciting again. I may not know the future, neither do him, but the best thing to do right now is for us to enjoy every single thing we do, and make good and memorable memories out of it, lessons which we can treasure for the rest of our lives and learning which both of us will appreciate of having in the future.

I believe that every happy ending, there comes big and difficult situations, that's why if we really want things to keep going, we have to have the courage and the strength to take the risks that may come our way, and may we become good decision makers with rational thinking when the time comes when we have to decide on things that may affect the totality of our relationship. We may come to a point that one or both of us want this to end, but may we also remember the good times that we had and make these as a rope that continues to tie us together even if ideas and problems are keeping us apart. I may have the best "holding on" ability, but I want it to be reasonable and that I may not hurt him too much. 

I know the journey ahead is long and steep, and difficult... but I believe that with the help of God, we will get to our destination where happiness and love reigns. But for now, one thing's for sure, I don't want him out of my life.