First Monday of February

I was sitting alone at the cafeteria. Eating a sandwich I bought. I unexpectedly for the first time saw your interesting face. A face mixed with emotions of worry, exhaustion yet full of determination. I watched you as you stare at your book then to your notes then back to your book. You were trying to understand your lessons in Biology. Then all of a sudden your face lightened. And when I saw that I realized that you absorbed me in your little world. You had affected me with just merely staring at your face. Then I said to myself, interesting, very interesting.

After minutes of amusement, I saw you stride in a hurry past me. I guess you are going to your class, because a few minutes later, I heard the bell rang. Then I am back to reality. I hurriedly finished my food, and went back to the office. Along the way, I couldn't stop my mind from thinking about you. Then, as I opened the door, loads of paper piled on top of my desk. I was wondering if all of it was there just this morning.

As I had the routine work for the rest of the day, I can't stop thinking about you. I did not notice the time, I worked past the time. As I heard the clicking sound of the lock of the door of the office, and as I turned around, I saw you walk past me. You were alone. Then you stopped near the seat in the wide field almost a hundred meters away from where I am standing, your eyes surveying the area, it looked like you were waiting for someone. I was not in a hurry that time, so I took the time to watch you stand there until thirty minutes passed. I saw someone approaching near you, at the same time I saw your eyes glow with excitement. I was thinking, "So, this is the guy you are waiting for. I wonder how you manage to smile and act fine when he let you wait for thirty minutes alone." I saw you opened your mouth and uttered words to him, and then, to my shock, his emotion changed, from indifferent to angry.

As I was trying to read your lips out of curiosity, I saw your tears flowing down your face. So they are fighting, I concluded. Then, the guy, without even giving a slight look of sorry on his face, walked away from you, living you drowned in your own tears. I had all the strength and confidence to follow that guy and teach him some lessons, but I chose to walk towards you and stop beside you. Without a word, I handed you my handkerchief. You looked up, tears filling the lids of your eyes. Then the first words you said to me with those angelic voice wanted me to hunt that bastard down to his grave, "WHY!? Is it because I don't have the beauty that all of you want, you can toy me like that!? All of you are the same!" Then you ran away. I wanted to follow you, but who am I? That was the only time you talked to me, and I talked to you.

Days passed as I eat at the cafeteria, I never saw you again. I always wondered if you were okay. A few weeks later, I ran to my class late because of the busy elevator. Yes, I am still having my classes. I am just a student assistant. When I turned to the corridor, I saw you on the side of the aisle, submerged in the book that you were reading. As I slowly walked past you, forgetting that I was running late for my class, I got a quick examine of you. You had dark circles under you eyes which led me to think you were not getting enough sleep for these past few days. Your hair was a mess. Your uniform was not well ironed. It seemed that you were not taking care of yourself anymore after what happened.

"Aron! Hurry! We are having a short quiz!" I heard my friend meters away calling me to hasten my pace. Hearing the loud call, you looked at me and you caught me looking at you. Before I could absorb your reaction, I ran towards the classroom door and continued my day thinking of you.

The semester ended. Since I have to work during the semestral break, I kept on hoping to see you as I take walks around the campus, but no luck.

Here comes the second semester and new schedules' driving me crazy again. As I went to my first class in that Monday morning, it was ten minutes before my 8AM class will start. As I entered the room, there's one other person who got in first. As I tried to know who she was, my heart started to beat faster and faster. I slowly took a walk towards her and when I was almost two meters away she turned her back and looked at me. It was YOU! I was in shock! No, I was inexplicably happy and speechless when I saw you sitting there, just a step away for me to actually hug you tightly.

"Hello? Have we met before?", the words that broke my train of thoughts.

"I believe so. I am Aron. You?", I replied back.

"Kiara. Nice to meet you.", you said as you looked me in the eyes. I can tell that you were recalling back where you first saw me.

As I was to take a seat just two seats away from you, you gasped, saying, "Oh my, you were that guy back then! I was so sorry, I did not mean to say those things." Now, finally remembering that day, which I remembered one of the worst days of your life, I twitched as I recalled that painful scene. I was wondering for a while now why I was so affected all these time with what happened to you.

Hiding what I felt, I replied, "Yeah. That was me. I hope you are okay now."

With a long sigh, you said while looking down at your notes, "Well, what can we do? We don't own the people around us. We can't tell them to stay when they want to go." Then you turned at me, smiling. "That's past now, something which I can never bring back."

I saw that sweet and charming face again. Then my mood lightened. I was truly happy because I can start my day happy for the rest of that semester.

Few months had passed we became closer and closer. We eat our lunch together. We became best of friends. As our friendship grew, my love for you became stronger.

But, on that memorable day of the first Monday of February, as I usually and happily walked along that hallway of hopes and dreams and love, I felt something was wrong. I stopped in front of the classroom door, and slowly, I peeped inside. And as I expected you were there. But, the aura's different. You were leaning your head on the arm chair as if you fell asleep. As I carefully went by your side, I saw your eyes closed, yet those dark lines under your eyes are more prominent that time. I became worried. I want to caress those eyes, that seemed to be crying that whole night.

Before I could sit on my arm chair, you woke up and tried to smile at me while greeting me, "Good morning A." And seeing my worried look, before I could ask, you told me, "Oh, I had a hell week. You know what, I am dying."

"WHAT!? Don't kid on me like that!" I shouted so hard that you even covered your ears.

"I wish I am. I just found out that I have leukemia. I just found out last Saturday.", I saw your eyes became teary. But I felt my heart broke into pieces. I have been madly in love with you, but knowing all this, what should I do? Then, you held my hand with those warm and soft hands of yours, then uttered, "Thank you Aron for making me happy all this time. After this week, I will stop going to school, and will live in the shadows of this illness. But before that happens, I want you to know that I am very much thankful to God that you were that man who walked near to me that day at the field. Thank you my dearest friend."

Our moment ended when one of our classmates entered the room. I was about to cry, but I stayed silent after that until the end of the class. I don't know what to do. I don't want you out of my life.

Then, when the bell rang, my mind was floating and I was not paying attention to my surroundings. When I looked at your seat, you were not there. You left without saying good bye to me. How unfair!

Then the next day after the the next, as usual, I went to school early just to have more time to talk to you. But, you were not there. I waited and waited and as the time nearly hit eight, I became more and more worried and saddened. Where have you been? And as my classmates filled the room, as it became noisier every minute, my heart kept on shouting how unfair it was to me for you to tell me and made me expect that I still have one more week with you. But where were you?

I couldn't help but be angry at the circumstances, at you, at God, for giving you this unfortunate fate. But, as I silently delved into my thoughts, I unconsciously felt a tear rolled down my eyes. Then, I swore that time that I will tell you what I felt and I will be there for you throughout your this journey.

That same day, I looked for you all around the campus, but not even a shadow I saw. I tried to go to your home but your parents told me you went away, far far away. I tried to call your cellphone, no luck. Every night I kept looking at my online friends, you were never one of them. Then a few days later, you deactivated your account. I tried sending tons and tons of emails and text messages but there was no reply. And hoping that I could see you again, I wrote a letter, which I gave to your mother two months after you disappeared from my sight. The letter said:

"My Dearest Kiara,

     The one who caught my heart that very moment I looked at you. And since then, I am in love with you. When I witnessed that day when your boyfriend dumped you, all I wanted to do was to comfort you and make you smile again. After that I prayed everyday and every night that I would see you in school. Yet, chances were almost zero. Then, it seemed to be woven by fate, I saw you on that room, which did not only made my day but also filled my life with love and happiness. I want to thank you for all of it.

     I want to be by your side and love you with all my might, but now you just disappeared. The day you said to me about your sickness, all I could think of were ways how to show my love to you, but you left me that day, and I never saw you again.

     I want you to know that I don't care if you have whatever illness in the world. Because I will be by your side until that day you will say goodbye. I want to take care of you, to see you smile again... I want to lighten your face with gladness, and your heart with love. Please, Kiara, let me see you again. Day and night, I kept on thinking about you, of what you are doing, if you are in pain, if you are okay. Please, Kiara, let me see you.

     I will be waiting for you text or email or letter forever. I love you so much and even death cannot tear my love for you apart.

                                                                                                                    Loving you always and forever,

                                                                                                                    Aron"

After weeks of waiting, a package came. It was from you. I hurriedly opened it, and tears fell down my face when I saw what was inside. The handkerchief I handed to you and a note that says,

"Aron, my dearest Aron, I am now returning this handkerchief to you, coz I know I'll make you cry this time. If you are now reading this letter, that means, I am no longer in this world. I am so sorry for the pain I've caused you, and for just leaving. I am sorry for being so selfish and for not letting you see me.

I think it is the right time that I share this little secret of mine. That first day I saw you, when I shouted at you, when I cried so hard, it was not because he left me. It was because I tried to tell him that I want to end our relationship, but it turned out worse than I expected, and, as you witnessed, he yelled at me. And the rest was history. I want you to know that I broke up with him because I love someone else, someone from the past. I met him back in high school when I was not that sociable. He was so kind, although I just know him, yet he did not know that I exist at all.

He was cute and kind. This one time, that guy stood up to a bunch of bullies just to defend me. He was hurt back then. However, instead of helping him, I ran away. And was afraid to get back to school. After a week, I went back to school. However, he was not there. I just knew that he transferred out because of what happened. And, I never saw him again.

Then, I went to college. I met my ex, and had been loyal to him until that day I asked him to set me free. I don't want to fool my heart anymore. I broke up with my ex because I saw my high school hero. He might not recognized me from back then, because I changed. I've changed a lot. However, I found out about my illness, and have to leave him again.

After leaving, I received a letter saying his confessions about his feelings. I kept on cursing God why do I have to leave him, and not be able to be with him. But I guess, I have to go.

Yes Aron, it was you. It was you all along. My high school hero, my one and only love. And I want you to know, even if I am gone now, I will always be here watching you and will be praying for you. Please, be happy. Don't let my death kill your will to live and love again. I will be very happy to see you fall in love once again, and see you smiling and truly happy.

I love you so much Aron. Until I see you again.

Kiara"


And, I fell into my knees, and sobbed real hard. I never wanted to get up. And everything went black.




"Aron! ARON! ARON!"


I slowly opened my teary eyes, and then I heard a voice saying, "Are you okay? You are crying in your sleep. The teacher is on his way. Get up and fix yourself!"

I saw Kiara. With great happiness, I hugged her in front of class and told her I loved her.

She was silent. And then, she whispered in my ears and said, "I've been waiting all this time for you to tell me that. I love you too. Let's talk after class."



I just stared and let her go, but I kept my gaze on her. Just then, I realized, I fell asleep in that first Monday of February.

~ The End ~